The second Influence: Modeling
Was money consistently there or was the flow more sporadic? Did money come easily in your family, or was it always a struggle? Was money a source of joy in your household or the cause of bitter arguments?
Why is this information important? You've probably heard the saying "Monkey see, monkey do." Well, humans aren't far behind. As kid, we learn just about everything from modeling.
Although most of us would hate to admit it, there's more than a grain of truth in the old saying "The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree."
This reminds me of the story about a woman who prepares a ham for dinner by cutting off both ends. Her bewildered husband asks why she cuts off the ends. She replies, "That's how my mom cooked it." Well, it just so happened that her mom was coming for dinner that night. So they decided to call Grandma on the phone and ask why she cut off the ends of the ham. Her answer?. "Because my pan was too small!"
The point is that generally speaking, we tend to be identical to one or a combination of our parents in the area of money.
For example, my dad was an entrepreneur.
He was in the home-building business.
He built anywhere from a dozen to a hundred homes per project. Each project took a huge amount of capital investment.
My dad would have to put up everything we had and borrow heavily from the bank until the homes were sold and the cash came through. Consequently, at the beginning of each project, we had money and were in debt up to our eyeballs.
As you can imagine, during this period my dad was not in the best of moods nor was generosity his strong suit. If I asked him for anything that cost even a penny, his standard reply after the usual “What am I, made of money?” was “Are you crazy?” Of course, I wouldn’t get a dime, but what I would get was that “Don’t even think of asking again” glare.
I’m sure you know the one. This scenario would last for about a year or two until the homes were finally sold.
Then, we’d be rolling in dough. All of a sudden, my dad was a different person.
He’d be happy, kind,and extremely generous. He’d come over and ask me if I needed a few bucks.
I felt like giving him his glare back, but I wasn’t that stupid so I just said, “Sure, Dad, thanks,” and rolled my eyes.
Life was good... until that dreaded day when he’d come home and announce, “I found a good piece of land.
We’re going to build again.” I distinctly remember saying, “Great,Dad, good luck,” as my heart sank, knowing the struggle that was about to unfold again.
This pattern lasted from the time I could remember, when I was about six, until the age of twenty-one, when I moved out of my parents’ house for good.
Then it stopped, or so I thought. At twenty-one years of age, I finished school and became, you guessed it, a builder.
I then went on to several other types of project-based businesses. For some strange reason, I’d make a small fortune, but just a short time later, I’d be broke.
I’d get into another business and believe I was on top of the world again, only to hit bottom a year later.
This up-and-down pattern went on for nearly ten years before I realized that maybe the problem wasn’t the type of business I was choosing, the partners I was choosing, the employees I had, the state of the economy, or my decision to take time off and relax when things were going well. I finally recognized that maybe, just maybe, I was unconsciously re-living my dad’s up-and-down income pattern. All I can say is, thank goodness I learned what you’relearning in this book and was able to recondition myself out of that “yo-yo” model and into having a consistently growing income. Today, the urge to change when things are going well(and to sabotage myself in the process) still comes up. But now, there’s another file in my mind that observes this feeling and says, “Thank you for sharing; now let’s get refocused and back to work.” Another example comes from one of my seminars in Orlando, Florida.
As usual, people were filing up to the stage, one by one, to get an autograph and say hello or thank you or whatever.
I’ll never forget one older gentleman because he came up sobbing. He could barely catch his breath and kept wiping his tears with his sleeve. I asked him what was wrong.
He said, “I’m sixty-three years old and I’ve been reading books and going to seminars since they were invented."
I’ve seen every speaker and tried everything they taught.
I’ve tried socks, real estate, and been in over a dozen different businesses. I went back to university and got an MBA.
I’ve got more knowledge than ten average men, yet I’ve never made it financially. I’d always get a good start but end up empty-handed, and in all those years I never knew why.
I thought I must just be plain old stupid... until today. “Finally, after listening to you and doing the processes, it all makes sense." There’s nothing wrong with me.
I just had my dad’s money blueprint stuck in my head and that’s been my nemesis.
My dad went through the heart of the Depression era.
Every day he would try getting jobs or selling things and come home empty-handed. I wish I would have understood modeling and money patterns forty years ago.
What a waste of time, all that learning and knowledge has been.” He began to cry even harder. I replied, “No way is your knowledge a waste of time! It has just been latent, waiting in a ‘mind’ bank, waiting for the opportunity to come out.
Now that you’ve formulated a‘success blueprint,’ everything you’ve ever learned will become usable and you will skyrocket to success.” For most of us, when we hear the truth, we know it. He started to lighten up and began breathing deeply again. Then a big grin came across his face. He gave me the biggest hug and said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Last I heard from him, everything was booming: he has accumulated more wealth in the last eighteen months than in the past eighteen years combined. I love it! Again, you can have all the knowledge and skills in the world, but if your “blueprint” isn’t set for success, you’re financially doomed. We often get seminar participants whose parents were involved in World War II or who lived through the Depression.These people are often in shock when they realize how much their parents’ experiences have influenced their beliefs and habits around money. Some spend like crazy because “You could easily lose all your money, so you might as well enjoy it while you can.” Others go the opposite route: they hoard their money and “save for a rainy day.” A word of wisdom: Saving for a rainy day might sound like a good idea, but it can create big problems. One of the principles we teach in another of our courses is the power of intention.
If you are saving your money for a rainy day, what are you going to get? Rainy days! Stop doing that.
Instead of saving for a rainy day, focus on saving for a joyous day or for the day you win your financial freedom. Then, by virtue of the law of intention, that’s exactly what you will get. Earlier we said that most of us tend to be identical to one or both parents in the arena of money, but there’s also the flip side of the coin. Some of us end up being exactly the opposite of one or both parents. Why would that happen? Do the words anger and rebellion ring a bell? In short, it just depends on how ticked off you were at them. Unfortunately, as little kids we can’t say to our parents,“Mom and Dad, have a seat. I’d like to discuss something with you. I’m not fond of the way you’re managing your money or,for that matter, your lives, and therefore, when I become an adult, I’ll be doing things quite differently. I hope you understand. Good night now and pleasant dreams.” No, no, no, it doesn’t go quite that way. Instead, when our buttons are pushed, we generally freak out and what comes out sounds more like “I hate you. I’ll never be like you. When I grow up, I’m gonna be rich. Then I’ll get whatever I want whether you like it or not.” Then we run to our bedroom, slam the door, and start pounding our pillow or whatever else is at hand, to vent our frustration.
Many people who come from poor families become angry and rebellious about it. Often they either go out and get rich or at least have the motivation to do so.
But there’s one little hiccup, which is actually a big burp. Whether such people get rich or work their buns off trying to become successful, they are not usually happy.
Why? Because the root of their wealth or motivation for money is anger and resentment.
Consequently, money and anger become linked in their minds,and the more money such individuals have or strive for, the angrier they get.
Eventually, the higher self says, “I’m tired of being angry and stressed out. I just want to be peaceful and happy.”
So they ask the same mind that created the link what to do about this situation. To which their mind answers, “If you want to get rid of your anger, you’re going to have to get rid of your money.” So they do.
They subconsciously get rid of their money.
They overspend or make a poor investment decision or get a financially disastrous divorce, or they sabotage their success in some other way. But no matter, because now these folks are happy. Right? Wrong! Things are even worse because now they’re not just angry, they’re broke and angry.
They got rid of the wrong thing! They got rid of the money instead of the anger, the fruit instead of the root. Meanwhile, the real issue is, and always was, the anger between them and their parents. And until that anger is resolved, they will never be truly happy or peaceful regardless of how much money they have or don’t have.
The reason or motivation you have for making money or creating success is vital. If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a non supportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money will never bring you happiness. WEALTH PRINCIPLE: If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a non supportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money will never bring you happiness.
Why? Because you can’t solve any of these issues with money. Take fear, for instance.
During my seminars I ask the audience, “How many of you would cite fear as your primary motivation for success?” Not many people put up their hand.
However, then I ask, “How many of you would cite security as one of your main motivators for success?”
Almost every one puts up his or her hand.
But get this—security and fear are both motivated by the same thing. Seeking security comes from insecurity, which is based in fear. So, will more money dissolve the fear?
You wish! But the answer is absolutely not.
Why? Because money is not the root of the problem; fear is. What’s even worse is that fear is not just a problem, it’s a habit. 
Therefore, making more money will only change the kind of fear we have. When we were broke,we were most likely afraid we’d never make it or never have enough.
Once we make it, however, our fear usually changes to “What if I lose what I’ve made?” or “Every-one’s going to want what I have” or “I’m going to get creamed in taxes.”
In short, until we get to the root of this issue and dissolve the fear, no amount of money will help.
Of course, given a choice, most of us would rather worry about having money and losing it than not having money at all,but neither are overly enlightened ways to live.
As with those of us driven by fear, many people are motivated to achieve financial success to prove they are “good enough.” We’ll cover this challenge in detail in Part II of this book, but for now, just realize that no amount of money can ever make you good enough. Money can’t make you some-thing you already are. Again, as with fear, the “always having to prove yourself ” issue becomes your habitual way of living.
You don’t even recognize it’s running you.
You call yourself a high achiever, a hard driver, determined, and all these traits are fine. The only question is why? What is the root engine that drives all this? For people who are driven to prove they are good enough,no amount of money can ease the pain of that inner wound that makes everything and everyone in their life “not enough.”No amount of money, or anything else for that matter, will ever be enough for people who feel they are not good enough themselves. Again, it’s all about you. Remember, your inner world reflects your outer world. If you believe you are not enough, you will validate that belief and create the reality that you don’t have enough. On the other hand, if you believe you are plenty,you will validate that belief and create plenty of abundance.Why?
Because “plenty” will be your root, which will then become your natural way of being.
By unlinking your money motivation from anger, fear, and the need to prove yourself, you can install new links for earning your money through purpose, contribution, and joy. That way, you’ll never have to get rid of your money to be happy. Being a rebel or the opposite of your parents is not always a problem. To the contrary, if you were a rebel (often the case with second-born children) and your folks had poor money habits, it’s probably a good thing that you are their opposite.On the other hand, if your parents were successful and you’re rebelling against them, you could be in for serious financial difficulties.
Either way, what’s important is to recognize how your way of being relates to one or both of your parents in the arena of money.
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